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Interview with author and Zombie Goat Apocalypse alarmist CJ Redwine

July 13, 2010

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A good deal of my knowledge of the publishing industry and writing community has come from CJ Redwine. I have attended both her Query Workshop and her How to Write a Killer Synopsis Workshop–which actually opened my eyes to the GIGANTIC rush I made of the beginning of Lost in Destiny. I have even been fortunate enough to have her critique my first 20 pages of Watchers. I’ve never been so proud as when I received an LOL from her in the comments. (With CJ, no false compliments are given.)

So, when I got the opportunity to interview her and share her genius with the rest of you, I could think of no better interviewer than my cat Max, who seems to match her in sheer deviousness and desire to take over the world. I was a bit nervous, as she IS the MASTER of interviewing on her blog, The Last Word. Not to mention I have no cupcake made specially for her. Oh! But I do have a SHINY to give away!

Without further ado I bring you CJ Redwine (trust me, the woman really IS a shoe).

And, of course, Max the Conqueror (aka Jabba the Cat).

1. Dogs or cats?

Both. No really. Someone has to take the brunt of Spastic Kitten’s homicidal tendencies, and I’d much rather it not be me.

2. Sacrifice the dog then? I find your answer more than acceptable. You open your last can of tuna to make your famous tuna salad when you feel me winding around your legs (not that I would ever deign to do that, I’d rather just lay behind you and wait for you to fall over me). Do you share? *studies claws*

It’s been my experience that NOT sharing tuna has a direct correlation to flying fur bombs of doom. Since I’m actually not a huge fan of being hit square in the face with eleven pounds of tuna-crazed feline, I share. Generously.

3.  I see your eleven pounds and raise you another seven, so it is a very good thing you have the proper sense to share. It has come to my attention that you are proselytizing about the Zombie Goat Apocalypse, and the only help you offer is for us cats to do your dirty work and scare them from your doorsteps. I have tripped people in the dark for less.

I trip myself in the dark on a regular basis, so if that’s the best threat you’ve got, I think I’ll continue using cats to subdue the Zombie Goat Apocalypse, thank you very much.

4. That seems to be a consistent problem with the females in your family. Perhaps you should consider getting between your ears checked. Minions or mindless drones?

Minions! For they are crunchy and good with ketschup.

5. *licks chops* I may have to reconsider locations and honor you with my presence. I understand you have a 5 year plan to conquer the world. How exactly do these workshops you expound so much effort on teaching fit into said plan?

Minions! And also, ready cash. One never knows when one will need a new world domination cloak.  Or when one will need bail.

6. Bail is for weaklings. I bend my jailers to my will with my cuteness. You really must work on looking too adorable to inspire true anger. I regularly add to my human’s manuscripts. Have you ever helped an evil genius kitty with a query?

Yes. Yes, I have. What? You can’t prove that I haven’t.

7. Your circular logic might be endearing, however, I would much rather use your leg as a scratching post. You knock over a glass of Diet Coke onto your hubby’s new iPhone. Do you clean it up and pray he doesn’t notice or blame it on your sibling—or, in your case, cuddly new kitten?

What did you say? I was too busy writing my last will and testament to pay attention.

8. And here I was beginning to admire your plucky attitude. Have you ever taken a hostage?

Ooh, I’d really love to answer that! But, alas, my lawyer assures me it wouldn’t be in my best interest.

9. You’re not as blonde as you look. Duct tape or rope?

Duct tape. Duct tape makes everything better.

10. Yes, but a good minion is less likely to chew through a thick coil of rope. Speaking of chewing…one of my favorite delicacies is crickets. What gourmet cuisine have you sampled?

Excuse me. I just threw up a little bit. *tries not to think of eating crickets* What was the question? Oh yes, gourmet cuisine. Do lemon bars count? Really exotic lemon bars?

11. That sounds positively disgusting. You seem to have an unhealthy fixation on ninjas and pirates. Aren’t you worried about revealing your secret identity to your adoring masses? Although, granted, your adoring masses have nothing on mine.

Define “unhealthy.” And I don’t reveal my secret identity. All anyone knows of me is my gorgeous shoe collection. I’ve maintained the crucial element of SURPRISE!

Though, if you see a stiletto-wearing, lemon-bar-eating, duct-tape-wielding girl swigging rum and threatening to make everyone in the general vicinity walk the plank, you should probably run.

Thank  you so much to CJ for the hilarious interview and brief glimpse of crazy behind the genius.

Now, for those of you here just for the giveaway…

In honor of one of CJ’s biggest fangirl squee moments on The Last Word, I am giving away a copy of DEMON’S LEXICON by Sarah Rees Brennan.

How to Enter:

1. Earn entries:

*Comment on this post with a question or comment for CJ= 1 entry

*Be a subscriber to this blog = 3 entries

*Tweet the link to this interview = 3 entries (Use @HC_Palmquist or leave url to tweet in your comment so I can see it.)

*Post the contest on your blog = 3 entries (Include link in your comment.)

2. Tally it up: Please tally up your entries and leave the total in your comment.

3. Check back: The contest is open until 10 p.m. Sunday, July 19th. Please check back to see if you’ve won and to claim your prize!

22 Comments leave one →
  1. NL Gervasio permalink
    July 13, 2010 11:53 pm

    Awesome interview! I can agree that CJ’s workshops are most awesome and I also found a HUGE issue with my MS during the synopsis workshop. Thanks to CJ – and a quick plotting session over the phone – I’ve been fixing the issue, to which my editor Sharon Gerlach can attest.

    Okay, let’s see … I’m already subscribed to your blog, this is my comment, I’ve RT’d the post … 7 entries. 🙂

    • July 14, 2010 5:05 pm

      Thanks for the high praise!

      And ooh, look, everyone! It’s the return of the jelly-donut-eating Unicorn Booger!

      Tremble, my minions. Today, it’s jelly donut guts. Tomorrow, YOURS.

    • December 11, 2014 1:08 am

      Whoa, whoa, get out the way with that good inofmration.

  2. July 14, 2010 12:14 am

    LOL I love it! Will tally up all and sundry later. For now I have twittered. Like a hundred times. No really. Probably was unfollowed by 20 people cuz they now fear werellamas and cats, not necessarily in that order. 😀

    CJ Redwine’s query workshop puts the sauce in Awesomesauce. Thanks for the wonderful interview.

    • July 14, 2010 5:07 pm

      I begin to wonder if I’m being stalked… *eyes you with suspicion but is secretly pleased*

      *looks at your monster and LAUGHS* You resemble a pissed-off Apple with Will Smith ears. And don’t look now, but your brain is showing and there just might be Zombie Goats on the prowl.


  3. July 14, 2010 11:09 am

    HEHEHE. Nice interview! Loved it. 🙂 I liked the last answer the best.

    Commented +1, Subscriber +3, RT’d +3 = SEVEN ENTIRES. *happy dance*

  4. Kait Nolan permalink
    July 14, 2010 11:11 am

    Have tweeted and subscribed already, but leave me out of the drawing as I already have the book 🙂 (reading the sequel just now actually). Excellent choice!

    To CJ…why are the lemon bars always gone?

    • July 14, 2010 5:09 pm

      *wipes lips* I have no idea. No idea at all.

      And Hey, WordPress! What’s the big idea refusing to post this comment at first and giving me a sassy “You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” warning?


      You’re beginning to look like a jelly donut, my friend. Look at my lips. That’s not a good sign.

  5. July 14, 2010 3:36 pm

    I adore you Jabba the Cat.

    To CJ: were you at all intimidated by being interviewed by one such as Jabba?

    Let’s see: I’m already a subscriber 3 points. I left a comment worth 1 point and retweeted worth 3 points to equal 7 points.

    • July 14, 2010 5:04 pm

      It’s hard to be intimidated when you’re all stocked up on lemon bars and duct tape, but I was careful to watch my back at ALL times.

  6. July 14, 2010 5:17 pm

    Good thing I’ve learned not to drink beverages when you two are around–I definitely would’ve snorted Pepsi all over the screen.

    Awesome interview. You two crack me up! 🙂

    • July 14, 2010 5:20 pm

      Says the 3 eyed Christmas tree with webbed claws for feet. lol

      Although, I have it on good authority that Pepsi is an excellent sinus douche.

  7. July 14, 2010 10:03 pm

    *face palm* A comment would be nice, huh?

  8. Erin Edwards permalink
    July 15, 2010 5:12 am

    I have a 50 pound puppy who *really* needs to meet Spastic Kitten. Our poor cat is trying to make friends but she can’t get the puppy to behave. (Nope, I’m not exaggerating about the 50 pound puppy part. She’s 6 months old, and she was 50 pounds a couple of weeks ago.)

    And C.J.’s workshops are great!

    (1 lowly entry – next task, after subbing my query that C.J. is whipping into shape, upping my web presence)

  9. Erin Edwards permalink
    July 15, 2010 5:15 am

    Hmmm…. I just got my avatar up on blogger last week. I guess that I need to register one on WordPress too. Although, the picture that WordPress chose for my avatar is much more of a true likeness than the one I put up on blogger.

  10. Erin Edwards permalink
    July 15, 2010 5:18 am

    Apparently if I sign up for following comments I am now subscribed! I hate to show my lack of web savvy coming back to tell you this, but I want my three more entries!

    Total entries: now four.

    • July 16, 2010 5:39 am

      Lol. And yes, start upping your web presence! All of my minions need a strong web presence.

  11. July 15, 2010 5:35 am

    I just popped over from CJ’s blog – great interview ladies!

  12. July 17, 2010 12:20 am

    yeah, so I like told everybody. You may give me as many points as you like, including some because we will soon be co-rulers of the known universe with CJ Redwine as our scariest co-leader (She already gave me Parts of the Northwest nenernenerneeeeeneeerrrrr). Anyways, This is awesome. So awesome. I tweet it all the time *looks around to see if CJ is watching. Slips lemon bars into her car…Some stalkers-that really aren’t stalkers but ultimate fans-are worth having 😀

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