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Gallbladder of Doom…and other such sILLiness

June 18, 2010

I question the wisdom of writing this post in my current state (as evidenced by it taking me 5 tries to spell question correctly), however, having never shied away from writing while hopped up on meds, I figure why start now.

In other words, read with a grain of salt. Better make that an entire shaker.

When my sister (CJ Redwine, remember…keep up people), first got sick and told me her symptoms, I immediately diagnosed it as her gallbladder. No, I’m not a doctor, I just spend enough time in hospitals to be one. Turns out, I was right. It also turns out I was sealing my own fate.

I too fell victim to the Gallbladder of Doom right after she had hers removed. I went through almost the exact same tests and mystery and final answer of it only working 9% as she did. Weird, I know. Still waiting to hear back from the government on which scientist received the grant to study us.

So, while in the hospital either waiting to have it removed or after it’s removal, I spent a good deal of time having morphine injected into my IV. Here are my tips on how best to use that time.

  • Take the sticky note the ER nurse hands you with your room number on it and stick it to your forehead. That way no one will forget which room you are going to.
  • Tell your friend you can slow down time by moving your arm to slow and then stop the IV drip.
  • Completely tune out the surgeon as he discusses the risks of surgery with you. Just nod copiously and end the discussion with an emphatic, “Just get it out of me.”
  • Bogart ice chips.
  • Call your boyfriend and tell him all about what’s happening on the TV you’re watching in your room. Even better if you’re watching The Birds…in Spanish.
  • As the orderly just how long he’s been doing his job as he crashes you into nearly every corner on the way to your operation.
  • Have a 3am conversation with your nurse about what really caused the economic crisis.
  • Get ridiculously excited about eating oatmeal for breakfast, and even more excited about the mashed potatoes you’re brought for lunch.
  • Assist your friend in her dastardly theft of the lime Jell-O you didn’t eat from your lunch tray.
  • Snag the extra pair of slipper socks left on the counter for you. Who cares if they’re canary yellow, you’re paying for them!
  • Confuse the hospital financial advisor by being extremely happy with what he’s trying to tell you about the bill. Finish the conversation by admitting you are way too high to understand what he’s saying.

I would normally find some way to wrap up the post now, but my adventures saw fit to continue. Managing to catch a viral bug on top of having surgery sounds too good to be true, unless you know me. I accomplished it within 2 weeks.

Urgent Care shot me in the hip with an anti-nausea medicine. Upon review of the drug sheet many hours later (they gave me pills to use at home), I discovered the med is also used for post-surgical patients who can’t sleep. Why did I review it many hours later?


It has been over 24 hours since I took a half a pill of Phenergan and I am still groggy, slurring my words, having trouble staying awake and typing. Let’s see what trouble I can get into this time.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Mr. Ogynist permalink
    June 18, 2010 2:25 am

    Youre Shtoopid! *muah*

  2. NL Gervasio permalink
    June 18, 2010 2:44 am

    *shakes head* No more Jell-O for you! Okay, that was a lame attempt at Soup Nazi. I’m never going to live the Jell-O thing down now. I just know it.


    Did you really ask the orderly that? LMFAO! That would’ve been an awesome video.

  3. June 18, 2010 7:04 am


  4. June 18, 2010 12:29 pm

    See that website? I nominated your blog on it. (I thought about the jello thief as well, but thought I’d leave that to you) BTW You have to read the blog I mention straight off for all of the rules LOL I haven’t had enough sleep to do it right.

    btw I’m @pizaseven lol

  5. June 20, 2010 11:47 pm

    You know what would be funny? Have both of us take Demerol or morphine and then have someone turn on a video camera while we commenced with unedited stream of consciousness.

    Just tell Janixie to back off my Jello.


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